Battle with my Heart

Can you really get over someone you love?
Flashback to four years ago...
I started "talking' to some guy. I wasn't really interested in him initially, but with time he grew on me. I allowed myself to get emotionally attached, and completely immersed myself into what quickly became an "official" relationship. Everything was perfect, or at least I thought it was.

Fast forward to two years into the relationship...
My "boyfriend" had an epiphany, and he suddenly realized that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Hello! After two whole years...Really?
Anyway, he promptly ended the one sided "relationship", and swiftly moved on to the next catch. Meanwhile I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. The pain was indescribable. I was an emotional wreck. I hated him; but I still loved him. I never wanted to see him again; but I wanted him back. I wanted him to hurt like he had hurt me, but I wanted to see him smile again. I was torn!


Fast forward to four years post- end of "relationship"
I still catch myself thinking about the lad. I am over him, or at least I think I am. Wait, I know I am. I know this because if he showed up at my doorstep this very moment, and said he wanted me back, my response would be a resounding NO. I'm at a different point in my life. Time has made me wiser; I know what I want out of a relationship now. So why do I still think about him? I don't want him back, but I still love him. There I said it, I love him BUT I'm not in love with him.

So why is it that my heart doesn't listen to my mind?
It is said that you can't choose who you fall in love with; your heart is the dictator that makes that decision for you. So it is that your heart doesn't let go of what it has declared it's own.
Well, needless to say I am up against a powerful dictator. Pray tell what's a girl to do?